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Â Â Â Â Â Â Â In Western societies, a growing gap between parents and children is tearing families apart; and painful divorce is endemic with ensuing oceans of misery for children and parents. Prominent Christian leadersâ€™ families often need a heavy dose of forgiveness and reconciliation. As a leader, you must lay out steps for your family, parents and children, to experience joyful, lasting reconciliation. The following story exemplifies how to do so.
Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Denise had led Marcie, a teenager, to Christ and was discipling her. â€œMarcie, what you are to do now is share your new faith and joy with your family.â€
Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Marcie frowned. â€œI canâ€™t. Mom behaves so selfishly that I canâ€™t even hold a conversation with her.â€ She recited a catalog of the motherâ€™s evil behavior, her voice overflowing with pain and anger. She seemed to have rehearsed the list well.
Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â â€œJesus forgave you. Now you must forgive your mom, Marcie. This is vital.â€
Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â â€œBut Denise, Iâ€™m the one thatâ€™s been hurt! My mom should beg forgiveness.â€
Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â â€œThat wonâ€™t work, Marcie, and itâ€™s not what Jesus taught us. Your mother will never start the process of reconciliation. You will. You have the Holy Spirit now, and your mother does not. You must start things by confessing to your mother your own wrongs and asking forgiveness.â€
Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Marcie balked, groaning, and started repeating her catalog of her motherâ€™s selfish and hurtful deeds. Denise interrupted, â€œYou are hurting yourself, Marcie, repeating all those painful things over and over. They fester in your mind, causing you misery. Now, tell me honestly, have you done things that hurt your mother?â€
Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â â€œNothing she didnâ€™t deserve. She crabs at me, so I sass back. I canâ€™t help it.â€
Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â â€œSo round and round goes the endless cycle! She hurts you. You hurt her. She hurts you. You hurt her. Stop the merry-go-round – you, Marcie, not your mom. Broken family relationships cause bad feelings and bad behavior on both sides. Up to now, youâ€™ve focused on your momâ€™s behavior. Starting now, you will focus on your own. Itâ€™s hard and it hurts, so you need Godâ€™s help.â€
Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Denise prayed, and told Marcie, â€œNow, you ask God to help you confess wrongs youâ€™ve done to your mom. Not your motherâ€™s faults – your own.â€
Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Marcie began, but broke out sobbing, unable to continue. Denise embraced her, and she tried again. Her prayer, full of pauses, was inarticulate, but she ended it laughing for joy, and Marcie knew that Denise had gotten through to God.
Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Marcie hurried to her mother, and begged her forgiveness for sassing and her other bad behavior. Her mother listened dumbfounded, unable to speak. Then she cried, and asked Marcie to forgive her faults, too. A long embrace ensued; hot tears dampened the floor. Marcie told her mother how Jesus had softened her heart, and to Deniseâ€™s amazement, her mother received Jesus into her heart, too, just like that!
Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Marcie joyful told Denise what happened the next day, and her mentor replied, â€œSo you see, it isnâ€™t always a parent who takes the initiative to bring loving reconciliation. The only person who is unhappy about this now is the old devil; you let Jesus break down Satanâ€™s wall between you and your mom.â€
The Apostle Paul summarized family duties in Ephesians chapters five and six:
- Husbands are to love their wife as Christ does the church, for which He gave His life. Husbands are to treat their wife as they would their own flesh, as they are one before God.
- Wives are to respect and submit to their own husband. Husbands are not to force their wife to submit; and there are times when both submit to each other.
- Parents are to bring up their children in the faith, not provoking them to anger.
- Children are to respect and obey parents.
Wise shepherds must:
- Teach regularly about family relationships.
- Keep the family together often in church activities.
- Help fathers shepherd their families and have them gather for a daily devotional time to pray, read the Bible and discuss it.
- Do not wait until a marriage becomes rocky. Let family relationships form a significant part of every groupâ€™s curriculum, dealing with forgiveness and reconciliation.
Satanâ€™s ploy to destroy active Christian workersâ€™ families:
The demon plots with guile
to pierce with pain oneâ€™s heart.
Wide grows his twisted smile,
â€œIâ€™ll tear this home apart!â€
How fun it is to tempt
those dedicated workers
Each hour to toil and serve
lest guilt be felt as shirkers!
Forget your wife and child,
your lord demands your all!
Then weep and feel the shame
when home life starts to fall!â€